60 Muslim marriage questions to ask before the nikah.
A faith-rooted checklist across the six areas marriages actually turn on. Read it together, or answer separately and compare. Nothing here needs an account — take what is useful and leave the rest.
How to use this list well
Do not run through all 60 in one sitting — it turns a conversation into an interrogation. Pick one section per meeting, in the order below, and take notes on the answers rather than the mood. The point is not to catch someone out; it is to find out early where you genuinely differ, while walking away is still easy.
For anything touching a ruling — mahr, contraception, inheritance, grounds for divorce — treat the answers as a starting point and take the actual question to a qualified imam or scholar you both trust.
Faith & practice
Start here. Two people can both call themselves practising and still mean very different things by it. Separate what the deen asks from what your families assume.
- 1How would you describe your practice of Islam today — not at your best, but on an ordinary week?
- 2Which prayers do you pray, and where? Do you expect us to pray together at home?
- 3How do you learn your deen — a local imam, a madhhab, a teacher, online lectures?
- 4Which rulings do you consider settled for our household, and which would you take to a scholar?
- 5How do you want Ramadan to look for us: fasting, taraweeh, iftar with whose family?
- 6What is your view on music, television, and mixed-gender gatherings in our home?
- 7What does modesty mean to you in practice — for me, and for you?
- 8How much do you want to give in charity each year, and who decides?
- 9Do you intend to perform Hajj, and when do you want to save for it?
- 10If one of us grew more or less strict over time, how would you want us to handle it?
Money & provision
Finances are where quiet resentment builds. Ask about numbers, not intentions — a real figure is worth more than a promise.
- 1What mahr do you expect or intend to offer, and why that amount?
- 2Who pays the wedding costs, and what is your ceiling?
- 3What debts do you currently carry — student loans, credit cards, family loans, mortgages?
- 4Do you hold or intend to hold interest-bearing debt, and how do you reconcile it?
- 5Will we keep joint accounts, separate accounts, or both?
- 6If I earn, is my income mine to keep, or part of the household budget?
- 7How much monthly financial support do you send to your parents or siblings?
- 8What would you do if a family member asked us for a large loan?
- 9What are we saving toward in the next five years — a home, a business, travel, Hajj?
- 10How much can either of us spend without checking with the other?
- 11What does your will and inheritance planning look like?
- 12If one of us lost work for six months, what is the plan?
In-laws & boundaries
Most marital conflict that looks like a couple problem is really a boundary problem. Agree on the rules before you need them.
- 1Where will we live in our first year, and who is in that home?
- 2Would you ever expect us to live with your parents? Under what circumstances?
- 3How often do you expect to visit or host each family?
- 4Who do you turn to when we argue — and is my privacy safe with them?
- 5If your mother and I disagree, what do you do?
- 6What are your parents' expectations of me specifically?
- 7Which family customs are non-negotiable for you, and which are just habit?
- 8How do we spend Eid, and does that rotate?
- 9If a parent needed daily care, what would we do?
- 10Does your family know and accept my background, culture, and madhhab?
Roles, home & work
Write down who actually does what. Assumptions here are the ones that surface hardest in the first year.
- 1What do you picture me doing on a normal weekday?
- 2Do you want me to work outside the home — before children, and after?
- 3Who cooks, who cleans, and who manages the household admin?
- 4Would you support me studying or changing career mid-marriage?
- 5Would you relocate for my work? Would you expect me to relocate for yours?
- 6How do we make big decisions — you decide, I decide, or shura between us?
- 7How much time apart with friends is normal and healthy to you?
- 8How do you use your phone and social media, and what are our privacy expectations?
- 9What does rest look like for you, and how do you handle a partner who rests differently?
Children & upbringing
Nothing exposes a values gap faster than raising a child. Ask now, plainly.
- 1Do you want children, how many, and how soon?
- 2How would you feel if we struggled to conceive? What treatments are acceptable to you?
- 3What is your view on contraception and spacing?
- 4Islamic school, public school, or homeschooling — and who pays?
- 5What language will we speak at home?
- 6How were you disciplined as a child, and what will you repeat or refuse?
- 7Who cares for the children day to day, and are grandparents part of that?
- 8How much screen time is acceptable in our home?
- 9How will we teach Qur'an and Arabic?
Conflict, health & temperament
You are choosing how someone treats you at their worst, not their best. Ask about the worst.
- 1Tell me about the last time you were truly angry. What did you do?
- 2Do you shut down, raise your voice, leave, or talk it through?
- 3How long do you hold a grudge, and what does an apology look like from you?
- 4Who mediates if we cannot resolve something ourselves?
- 5What physical or mental health conditions should I know about?
- 6Is there anything in your medical or family history that affects marriage or children?
- 7Do you drink, smoke, vape, or gamble — now, or in the past?
- 8Have you been married or engaged before? What ended it, and what did you learn?
- 9What would count as grounds for divorce in your view?
- 10What is one thing about yourself you know is hard to live with?